Nice vs. Kind

Being from the land of ‘Minnesota Nice’ yet living and visiting other parts of the world, I think there is a great distinction between nice and kind.  Although both words are adjectives, kind feels more like a verb, an action.  Nice is surface and basic.  Kind has depth and intention.  As someone who has grown up in Minnesota, the label of ‘being nice’ doesn't sit well with me.  I see ‘niceness’ as being given the stiff arm, the Heisman, the ‘talk to the hand’ vibe.  It says I will be nice to your face so that you don’t think poorly of me, but I don’t really want to get to know you or truly care about you. It doesn’t mean that ‘nice’ people are mean or awful.  I just get the sense that ‘nice people’ don’t have the capacity or interest in extending themselves to people outside their comfort zones (or they themselves have not left their comfort zone to know what it’s like to be a person ‘on the outside.’)  Kindness doesn’t mean you need to love everyone, that you need to be everyone’s friend and have no core friends. Kindness simply suggests you pause, take the time to say ‘How are you?’ and truly mean it in an authentic way.  Niceness is talking about the weather, the local sports update or their food post on their instagram story.  Kindness is learning about what’s important to a person, knowing that they have trials or triumphs in a relationship or at work.  Kindness doesn’t mean you let people dump on you or that you’re required to solve their problem. It simply demonstrates that you’re present, you can listen and show you care in an empathetic, non-pitying or judgemental way. Kindness feels like a genuine hug someone ‘gives’  rather than ‘takes’.  Kindness is having a boundary that tells me what you’re capable of without being resentful.  Kindness is slowing down to be in the moment, either with yourself or someone else so that you’re not rushing through to the next, ‘more important’ thing.  Kindness is taking time to breathe.  It can be for yourself or for others.  And if you can’t be kind to yourself, it’s hard to be or do that for others.

What does kindness mean for you?  What does it look like?  Feel like?  Sound like?  Have you seen it?  Has it been awhile? How can we model kindness and show ‘niceness’ a truer, deeper way?